Did I Break My Brain?

I don’t suppose mental health gets much of our attention unless we are touched by it either directly or indirectly. I’ve always considered others’ mental health awareness requests with some empathy but mostly fell back on the idea of “there but for the grace of God…”

In September of 2022 I was involved in a serious motorcycle accident which has resulted in a yet to be determined brain injury. It’s not limited to mental acuity and affects my balance significantly. I’ve fallen numerous times and nearly fallen countless times. It can be exhausting focusing on normal motor functions we normally take for granted. Add to that the anxiety that came from trauma and, at times, I struggle to recognize myself. 

According to Hopkins Medicine, “An estimated 26% of Americans ages 18 and older — about 1 in 4 adults — suffers from a diagnosable mental disorder in a given year.” I find it comforting to know I’m not alone with my struggles but longing for a definitive diagnosis. In the meantime I’ll continue my physical therapy and focus my attention on recovery. 

This condition has opened my eyes to the struggles others confront. That old expression “You never know what people are going through and sometimes the people with the biggest smiles are struggling the most, so be kind” resonates more profoundly with me now. I’ve faced some physical challenges in my life but this is the first time my brain was involved. I still have that big smile but like keeping my balance I need to be deliberate about it.

Outage in Women’s Hoops

John Cena’s “You can’t see me” hand gesture has been a go to taunt in the sports world for over ten years. Suddenly it has become recognized as the ultimate symbol of disrespect and classless poor sportsmanship. The recent Iowa/LSU Women’s National Championship Game brought out harsh judgement for invoking the gesture. Should we dismiss the uproar as an all too familiar example of our insatiable appetite for tribal polarization? Or is there something we can learn from our reaction to the game?

It would surprise me if you have not come across commentary on social, mainstream media, or sports websites and programs regarding Angel Reese and Caitlin Clark. Clark and Iowa captured the hearts of viewers when they upset defending national champion South Carolina in the Final Four. Clark had notoriously invoked the taunt, waving her hand in front of her face, to signify that she’s unstoppable on the court against Louisville in an Elite 8 game. Angel used the same gesture when LSU knocked off the Hawkeyes 102-85 in Sunday’s title game and half of the sporting world seemed to have been personally assaulted.

I’ll admit, in the heat of battle, the moment of the “incident”, I was a little angered myself. Of course, I’m from Iowa. A large part of my wardrobe is made up of Iowa black and gold and adorned with the infamous Hawkeye logo. Was it disappointing to lose? Oh yeah. Did it hurt a little to have an excited member of the other team rub our nose in it a little bit. Of course. But I quickly regained composure enough to appreciate that our Iowa team had had a wonderful season but had finally met their match in the championship. Congratulations to both teams for a great season and thank you for putting on a show.

Why were so many willing to criticize Reese when Clark had been celebrated for the same thing. What was it that so deeply offended so many people? People were outraged way out of proportion for a simple encounter between two young ladies who had just competed at the highest level with all the emotion and exhaustion such a setting would entail. Maybe you aren’t picking up what I’m putting down. Think back to when you were 20 years old. Do you think there is a single day of your 20^th year where you might be grateful that 10 million people didn’t get to witness and comment upon?

The “Yeah but” and the whataboutisms have only made matters worse. The only difference I see is that maybe the fans of Angel Reece are maybe more justified in their complaints. Angel has been attacked in every direct and indirect way questioning her ability, integrity, intelligence, and character by those who thought they had been personally violated by something that had nothing to do with them. If the things said about Angel were said about Caitlin I can’t imagine the reaction we might see. Let’s be better and hopefully look forward to a rematch next year!

Heaven on Earth

…on earth as it is in heaven.

Imagine what that would be like! Whether you believe in heaven or not, you likely have some concept of what heaven could look like. I envision a place where peace and joy rule the land. Where our entire hierarchy of needs are fulfilled, and conflict is resolved through discussion and mutually agreeable settlements. Heaven on earth would mean everyone felt like they belonged and nobody would feel less than. Such a realm could become real if we were only willing to support and encourage one another. 

Evidence shows that helping others can reduce stress, and improve mood, self-esteem, and happiness. The path of achieving such benefits revolve around kindness and good deeds. The good news is that kindness and good deeds needn’t take much time or cost any money. The benefits of reduced stress and improved mood, self-esteem, and happiness are instant and recognizable. We can all appreciate the warm feeling associated with coming to someone’s aid. We also immediately recognize the guilt or embarrassment of behaving badly. We are supposedly intelligent beings, and it is perplexing that we haven’t evolved beyond bad behavior.

Recent advances by populists, nationalists and supremacists are leading many of us to take a defensive posture regarding our willingness to offer kindness. That’s understandable. It has become highly profitable for some leaders and various media outlets to perpetuate dismissiveness, divisiveness, and disrespectfulness. We are continually bombarded with clips of people behaving badly in public. We either find such displays appalling or in a worse case we may even see them as justified. Regardless of how we interpret such actions I fear that they normalize abhorrent behavior and incivility which widens that gap between heaven and earth. Such an environment does not promote benevolence.

We seem to be at a crossroads. Nearly one third of our population resents empathy or inclusion and appears threatened that anyone who disagrees with them may wish them harm. That’s not how it works. The simple recognition that we all share needs and desires requires no exclusion of others or condemnation of those who interpret their needs and desires differently from us. When we respond to expressions of dismissiveness, divisiveness and disrespectfulness with anger or retaliation we then justify and perpetuate the tribalism that got us here in the first place.

Every time we respond to another’s perceived intolerance with anger or vengeance we are only confirming their feeling of isolation and rejection. 

Somewhere along this journey we seem to have concluded that “owning” others is more rewarding than our own peace of mind. We will never know the benefits derived from offering kindness and good deeds to others if we are constantly at war with them. Eventually, if we can manage to be good stewards of humanity, leaders and media outlets will find sewing division less profitable. They might even adopt content that brings us together. I think it’s time for us to work together and share the idea that we can be better and it all begins with how we react the next time we feel prompted to lash out at someone for not agreeing with us.

I Did Something Positive Today

Ya can’t blame a guy for wanting shit to make sense. I don’t need pansophic insight or omniscient clairvoyance but a plausible hint of what happened can make a huge difference getting over the occasional life challenge. Take the last seven weeks. Literally. Take them. I’m over it. Wink.

For the last seven weeks it has been my goal to experience any hint of comfort for any duration of time but so far nada. I’m getting close though. The human body, medical doctors, physical therapy and medication are all pretty cool and seem to be working a little magic. The thing is, none of that can help explain what happened and that freaks me out a little bit. All I know is that I was enjoying my commute to work and then I was sitting on a gurney in the back of an ambulance looking at my Harley laying in the road. 

I don’t think I’ll ever know what happened. Maybe this event needs to be moved from “what happened?” to the universal mental folder of “shit happens.” In considering such mental gymnastics my mind immediately transitioned to why did this happen. What good can come from a significant injury and temporary disability? What lesson is meant to be learned? Was this a message from God?

For the record, as I coast down my driveway I began every ride with a series of memorized prayers followed by some praise and worship and finishing up with a request for safety on my days ride. The only variance being “father God keep me safe” if I was riding alone or “father God keep us safe if I was riding with others. My guess is I should have been more specific in what I meant by praying to be kept safe. I’d be bitter about unanswered prayer but I’m not dead and my accident did occur only a few traffic lights from the expressway. 

As I work through recovery I can not escape the feeling that I needed to find a positive in my situation. I haven’t left the hospital, rehab or my home for anything other than medical appointments since the accident. That’s fifty days! I figured there would be no more symbolic or meaningful first outing than defending democracy. So here I am. It wasn’t easy but like they say, freedom isn’t free. My new prayer is that enough people will make the effort with me today and democracy will be preserved. 

Is The Church Dead?

Tell me. How do guns, xenophobia and misogyny fit in with Christianity? 

Jesus wants to know. 

As church attendance continues to decline, especially among young people, I’m struggling to understand how so many pastors have bought into Christian nationalism. What was so appealing about that us vs them mentality that made it so interchangeable with the Gospel? I used to think people went to church hoping to become better people. Maybe I had that wrong. Maybe they went to church because somehow, someway it made them feel like they were better than other people. God’s people Amen? 

So did pastors just take the easy way out? I can’t help but think it is myopic to pander to congregations that are unwilling to accept the changing demographics of the land. Maybe they thought it would be too hard to speak Christ’s message of love and acceptance even when that’s exactly what they needed to do. When times are tough is when I was taught to lean into my faith. 

When Obama was elected president the reality of demographic changes in America punched some folks right in the mouth. Suddenly they had to choose if they were ok with what many of us hoped would be a post racial America or if they weren’t. The cognitive dissonance of resenting a black man holding the highest office in the land and the desire to be considered good church-going God-fearing pillars of the community was at a crossroad. Resenting the black man won. Fueling that resentment was the fact that they were forced to confront the choice. For many, things were just fine up until Obama. Then along came make America great again.

 I’ve been looking for a church for several years running. I run from any church that preaches an us vs them mentality as if  Christians in the United States are somehow persecuted and oppressed. Pot kettle. To make matters worse they’ve now expanded those who qualify as “others” to include “the woke.” The woke has  replaced their disdain for political correctness. How horrifying that someone might make them uncomfortable for not loving others as themselves. Christian nationalists have retreated to old testament scripture citing the tower of babel as justification that God wanted nations and their people to be separate completely ignoring how native Americans might find that ironic. They claim the gays and the trans community are trying to force themselves upon them while not seeing the hypocrisy of terms like sanctity of marriage and one man/one woman excluding multiple marriages and divorces. Along came Trump giving them permission to be blunt and bigoted. 

The whole thing boils down to this; I miss church. Maybe just like those young people who never returned after the pandemic. I sought fellowship and acceptance from church attendance. I pray every day that others might see a light in me that comes from prayer and sharing my thoughts with a higher power. I never went to church thinking I was special for attending. I went because I know I’m flawed and need help getting better. I’ll keep looking and I’ll continue talking with God though-out my days. In the meantime if you know of a good church near Manassas VA shoot me a message!

I Needa Vacation!

And away we go! It’s been quite some time since I’ve planned a vacation. Mainly because some people confused a pandemic with freedom and drug everything out longer than needed. I still don’t trust em. We are traveling by motorcycle and will avoid any large gatherings of the unclean horde. We’ll be riding 1850 miles over five days which is on the high side of a comfortable distance each day, but our trip is dual purpose. First, we want to suck every bit of excitement and joy out of riding the beautiful Appalachian Mountains but beyond that we are prepping for our Sturgis trip later this summer.

I’m blessed that I share my love of motorcycling with my oldest son. He is joining me on these trips. Our first leg will be down the Shenandoah’s through the George Washington & Jefferson National Forest then into Roanoke for the night. There are some who destination ride and I guess that’s ok. The fastest way from point A to point B doesn’t really excite me as a general rule. We’re journeymen in every sense of the word. We’re not the fastest or the fanciest riders but we enjoy every minute in the saddle. 

Here’s wishing you all the glorious adventure you desire in life. We know what we like and first thing in the morning we are grabbing or little piece of heaven on earth.

Fixing the World’s Problem

Saturday, as I rolled through the mountains of WV with my Harley friends I was reflecting on how blessed we are. Set aside the awesomeness of those particular moments that matter, most of us live absurdly abundant lives. Running water, food in the cupboard, and the freedom to use our free time as we please, where we please. We have amazing technology at our fingertips, we can worship or not where we choose, and we have the ability to have our voices heard at the ballot box. For now anyway.

These thoughts were in direct contrast to several hours I spent at work Thursday. I was gathered with my new hires outdoors because we had been evacuated from our building because of a bomb threat. Sitting at a picnic table with three incredibly brilliant and gracious young black ladies, I listened as they talked about the added insecurity the moment had caused. They talked of Uvalde, Buffalo and the 13 year old unarmed boy short in the back by police in Chicago the previous week. “What is going on in the world?” “Why are people so angry?” They asked these questions and maybe not rhetorically. They were good questions.

I hated that these young ladies had to confront such questions when their only thoughts should have been joy in that they were kicking off a new and fulfilling career. It reminded me of my privilege. While I abhor the racial divide in our country I never need contemplate that such hatred is aimed at me simply because of the skin I walk in. I wonder those who support division ever contemplate the question, “What if I were they?” How would they react if the shoe were on the other foot? The idea that the demographics of our country are changing likely fuels such angst. Perhaps they are worried if they lose control the new majority will treat them as they treated others. They should think about that. Deeply.

The thing bullies don’t understand is that their victims only want it to stop. People who have suffered know what it is like to live in fear and wouldn’t want anyone to suffer that pain. Hating others simply because they look different is the epitome of lethargy and fearfulness. It ignores the rich contributions offered from diverse cultures and histories often times while embracing those contributions with ignorance to their origins.

It’s pretty apparent that many of our neighbors are driven by the fear that the days of white male majority are over. Their reaction is like that of a cornered animal about to be devoured by a predator. They will do and believe anything so long as they escape to survive. The thing is, there is no predator. There is only a mirror of themselves reflecting the sins of their past. The sooner they realize that the sooner we can address the issues that are an actual threat to all of us.

Love Somebody New Today

I can’t be the only person struggling to find peace while the apparent decline of humanity gains momentum. My God, with all of our technological advancements in the world, now should be the time where man evolves to be the best versions of ourselves, but no. Civil rights and democracy are under attack in America, there is genocide in Ukraine, politicians and celebrities pander to our worst nature and people are willingly dying because they choose demagoguery over science. I don’t recognize the world we live in. So, if, “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing,” (Edmund Burke, maybe) why are we doing nothing?

We are continually gaslit when everything broadcast, printed or posted on social media offers examples of unimaginable deplorableness and nobody seems to do anything about it. I go back and forth pondering the value of my vote and appreciating the power that lies within. Obviously, something is broken. One would hope that the grievances of vocal minority could be heard and addressed without destroying democracy. One would think that someone who had aspired to leadership had the requisite call to serve others and offer solutions. If I approached my job as belligerently as our elected officials do I’d be out of a job in a minute. Where do they find the nerve?

How did it become normal to become cruel and crass? Most of us possess or have access to anything we will ever need and yet everyone is worried that somebody else might get something they don’t have. People are so worried that someone else might be happy that they make themselves miserable imagining things that will never affect them. We’re all so wrapped up in culture wars that nobody sees how we are all in this together. We’re unwilling to help one another because we assume nobody would help us. That simply isn’t true. Everyday people from the left and people from the right are helping one another and doing good deeds across party lines. Then we go home and turn on the news or check social media and get reminded how divided we are.

That isn’t how we’re supposed to live! Would you rather share a laugh with a stranger on the street or rant with a loved one about how incompetent (insert your least favorite politicians name here) is? Would you rather help someone needing a hand or speak poorly of them after you’ve passed? How about a young person who feels misunderstood or hopeless? Would you rather encourage them or mock them for being vulnerable? Our humanity is hardwired toward community and cooperation and forces not interested in our wellbeing are working overtime to keep us divided. They create division because it is profitable. It’s time we ask ourselves if we are for sale. When we perpetuate deplorableness the price we pay is our humanity and we are in no way stockholders of the people collecting that fee.

Try and love somebody new today. You’ll be glad you did.

Slow And Steady.

https://myahalifestyle.com/index.php/2019/02/10/slow-and-steady/

The Politics Of Weight-loss

Sit back and take a deep breath. Intentionally inhale through your nose, fill your lungs and then slowly exhale through your mouth.
Repeat.
No really. I’ll wait…
Felt good didn’t it?

That is maybe the closest I can get when I try to imagine what Heaven might feel like. As I’ve returned to the practice of taking better care of my body I’ve become more introspective. I seek to understand the cues that lead to some of the bad choices I make in life. Two situations have proven to be particularly challenging for me where I turn to food for comfort. I have historically reached for food when I’m bored and when I’m uncomfortable as a result of divisive conflict. I understand better how to handle the triggers associated with boredom but I’m finding it more of a challenge understanding my reaction to the adversity surrounding divisiveness.

The thoughts that enter my mind, when presented with values that contradict my own, are unwelcome. My reactions cause me to look to self destructive habits. There is a lot going on in this world that concerns me. It has always been so. Perhaps recently those feelings are growing stronger. I feel as if we are losing the ability to be merciful to one another. I struggle with the idea of seeking peace juxtaposed with the idea that not being outraged is somehow validation of things I see as clearly wrong. What to do about that? The serenity prayer comes to mind. “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.”

What things can I not change? Hearts and minds come to mind. If it were only so easy as to live the idea “When they go low; we go high.” That idea drew criticism from some. Perhaps because they believe their adversaries lack the empathy to recognize an extended olive branch. I can not immediately change the institutionalized white supremacy at the root of all that I disdain. I can stand with and for all who reject white male supremacy. A majority of us reject the bad things being done in our name by corrupt people empowered by a gerrymandered electoral system. We must never surrender.

What things can I change? I will be a lot better off if I understand that the single thing that I can change is myself. I need to find a way to engage others that is not toxic to myself. I will not stand by and allow racism, misogyny or any form of prejudice go unchallenged. When conversing I will question unsavory ideas. When getting upset by media I will set it aside. I must change how I react when I see those who would place self at the expense of others cross my path. The psychology of addiction to endorphins released by mindlessly eating must be exchanged with more productive behavior.

In seeking the wisdom to know the difference of the things I can and cannot change the challenge will be to replace the triggers that caused me to use food for comfort. The false sense of security I found in numbing my discontent with mindless noshing was completely devoid of anything that might fulfill my hierarchy of needs. My plan is to sit back and take a deep breath, intentionally inhale through my nose and then slowly exhale through my mouth. Maybe then I will finally know heaven on Earth. Not only that but It would be hard to eat potato chips while mindfully breathing. Wish me luck.